Ryan

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About Ryan

I'm more and more me every day. This is progress. My life is a constant battle to find good lighting. I read the LA Times every day and curse at it usually for not being the NY Times. Some days it takes a full pot of coffee to read it, most days it takes a cup. I usually skip the sports section unless it's baseball season, sometimes football or tennis or soccer for the pictures. Basketballs cool too. I jump on the train when it's important. Love the food section and try the recipes a lot. They usually suck too. The recipes not my cooking. Although sometimes that too. I read my horoscope by Holiday Mathis every day and I find a way for her to be right 99% of the time. I like Disneyland a lot, mostly because it makes me feel better about the way I look compared to the rest of the country when I'm eating a corn dog inching my way closer to looking like them. I like music. I'm not much of a fanatic about anything. I appreciate a lot. I'm pretty all american when it comes to eating. I like fancy food, but I'm happy with a cheeseburger and fries. I don't like fish unless it's fried, battered or slathered in mayo. I eat cereal every morning. I prefer lucky charms, but most days I'll have Fiber one for it's magical cleansing effect. I workout a lot and then I don't. My right pinky toe is crooked and sometimes makes me self conscious. My ears stick out, but what sticks out more is the memory of my mom flicking them while saying "fly away dumbo!". I care about what others think and hate when people say "i don't give a fuck what they think". I hate when people say "whatever" but love to use it to make people mad when they make me mad. I have a wretched potty mouth in the car. They call me a type A personality, which is just another way of calling me an insecure artistic perfectionist bitch. I love trains. I love perfectly manicured lawns and topiaries. I love people more one on one than I do in a group. I hope I make my friends feel like I am there for them . I try to show gratitude to those that are there for me. I'm usually the first to say I'm sorry. Creativity really turns me on. I love art. I wish I could've known Bjorn Wiinblad. I'm sad I didn't meet Lucien Freud. I hope to spend a day with David Hockney. I love philosophy and pretending to be philosophical. When I was 9 I wanted to be a Dr. so that I could pay to be an actor. I wrote a poem in 6th grade called "What Is Red". My teacher said it was beyond my years and entered it into a contest. It won and was published. The most prolific line I can remember is "Red is like the stripes on an american flag, Red is the color of a stalwart stag." Yeah it's no Edgar Allan Poe. I've been to all 50 states and 2 territories in the United States. I haven't seen all of them though. I've never taken an illegal substance. I'd give you my last beer but want a drink. I'll read 4 books at a time and come up with my own ending. I wish I could play the banjo for you. I wish I could play the guitar and sing to you. I can sing. I can bust a move. I will stick up for you when others won't. I say what I feel and sometimes regret it. I hate poor customer service and am trying to let go. I try to let go. People think I'm really confident. This usually stops them from meeting me. I need to stop that. I say hello to strangers on the street and get my feelings hurt when they don't respond. I'm genuinely interested in what you do when I ask. I know a lot of people and hardly know any of them. I know my friends. I'm well connected and totally disconnected. I have no perspective on how people perceive me. I wish I did. You'll catch me contradict myself. That's okay. It means I'm learning and growing. I dream a lot. I have big dreams. I have lots of ambition, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my dignity for it. I will get to where I need to go by way of my path. I believe in a path. I don't want to know you for where you can get me, but where we can get. I won't judge you by what others say. That's proven a miserable failure. I don't feel guilty talking about my accomplishments although I try to stay modest. If I'm too excited about my accomplishments it's usually because of how many failures there were. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm sometimes afraid of my potential. I'm working that out. I'd like to buy the world a coke. I'd love to spend the rest of my life building people taller than the tallest building in the world. I want to make people happy. I love to laugh. I am happiest when I make people happy. I'm oddly intuitive. I listen to the inside voices. I listen. If I don't hear you I'll ask you to repeat it. When you use big words I'll ask you to explain them. When you make big declarations I may debate you. All I want in life is to be loved and respected like everyone else. period.